Hospitals with muzak really? Wow. Is that some kind of American thing?
Not sure, but I know that it is a terrible thing.
Wayfaring: Follows patient for her entire pregnancy, gets to know her family, etc. Hopes to count her as a “continuity” delivery.
Patient: Asks family medicine attending friend, who has not followed her pregnancy, to deliver her.
Wayfaring: Is on call when patient is in labor. Is glad when attending says please assist in delivery.
Patient: Stalls out at 8cm, baby starts looking bad, needs a c-section.
FM Attending: Does not do C-sections.
Wayfaring: Stays 4 hours late after her night shift ends. Scrubs in with OB attending, cuts the belly, dissects the tissue layers, cuts the uterus, pulls the baby out, sews it all back up.
Patient: Oh thank you sooooo much, *Family Medicine Attending* for taking care of me today and being there for me through this pregnancy!
FM Attending: Actually, Wayfaring did your surgery.
OB attending: It’s true. Wayfaring did it. I helped.
Patient: Oh Wayfaring, I’m glad you got to see my baby get born. *Family Medicine attending*, thank you AGAIN for taking such good care of me!
To you who say you eat your grits with sugar or honey. This does not make your grits breakfast or dessert. It makes your grits fundamentally WRONG.
Engaged the ENTIRE office staff in a debate about the unacceptable nature of cheese grits as a breakfast food. Clearly adding cheese makes it dinner food. Come on guys.
Does anyone else out there think that maybe the KFC pot pie commercial guy thinks there’s a different kind of pot in his pie?
Nope, just me? ah well.
I can’t believe I’ve never written about this for y’all. It’s such an important part of daily life in the hospital, and yet I’ve totally overlooked it. I feel like I’ve let you guys down.
If you hope to survive long hours in the hospital as a student or resident, you MUST have a secret bathroom. Trust me on this: it will make your time spent in the hospital much more tolerable.
Secret bathrooms are multi-purpose. They’re like the prefect’s bathroom and the room of requirement all wrapped up in one. Of course their primary purpose is to be there when you need to take a quick poo without the company of patients and visitors. But they are also available when your attending has just chewed you out and you need a short cry session, and they offer themselves up as potential hiding places and reading spots if the need arises.
Ideally, your secret bathroom should take you less than 2 minutes to walk to in the hospital from the areas you tend to frequent. You never know when bubble guts will strike you and leave you with few precious minutes to hunt down a suitable throne. It should be located in a low-traffic area of the hospital and should preferably be a one-seater private suite.
I work in two different hospital campuses, so I have two secret bathrooms. On campus A, my bathroom is on the second floor, far southwest corner just above the doctor’s lounge and just below the ICU. On campus B, we use the endoscopy suite staff bathroom at night. The hospital is usually quiet and there are other bathrooms available, but the endoscopy bathroom has the benefit of being both close to the call room and 100% always vacant at night with no danger of running into other residents or hospital workers.
On campus B, we love the endoscopy suite so much that “going to endoscopy” has become a euphemism for “taking a poo”.
So I encourage you, third years: walk the halls of the hospital during busy and quiet times and find your perfect secret bathroom. You will not regret it.
Thrush: (1) common term for oral candidiasis, a yeast infection of the mouth. Most commonly seen in babies or individuals with immune deficiencies.
(2) In Southern slang, thrush becomes “thrash”.
*of note, also with some Southern patients, the diagnosis is occasionally substituted for the drug name. Example: “I take blood pressure and sugar” = “I take medicines for hypertension and diabetes”.
Wayfaring: What medicines does the baby take?
Dad: He take that thrash.
Wayfaring: **Writes “nystatin for thrush”.**